Home Sick to My Stomach

First, I'm home sick something terrible. I enjoy it here, I really do, but sometimes I just want to cuddle with my mom. Yes, I'm 19, but I have no problem in admitting that. And, well, right now I just want to be with my mom and I want to be able to unload everything I'm about to say here to her, but I can't do either of those things. We don't quite have that relationship yet. We're still working our way out of the bitchy tween/early teens and mad busy teens year. I want my mom.

Second, I lost just about my entire life in a snow storm. Went for a romp and now my driver's license, cash, debit card, keys, college ID/key to get in my dorm building/meal ticket are all gone plus two gift cards. All of it is laying somewhere out there on campus in the middle of blizzard and I have no hope of getting any of it back until the snow melts and who knows when that will be. No time soon. I've never wanted snow gone so fast in my life. MY ENTIRE LIFE IS GONE!!! All I have left are my phone and my computer and neither of them will feed me or get me into my dorm. I'm screwed. I'm sooooo screwed. And after searching everywhere I went outside in the freezing cold I'm just now warming back up over 2 hours later. My cheeks were swollen they were so cold.

And on top of that, I'm trying to decide if I want to be a music major or not. I really want to. Music is one of the only things I've ever been passionate about in my life. But I don't know if I have the balls to do it, the dedication and I don't want to spend my life living in a cardboard box. My heart says "DO IT!!!!" and my head is saying "really, now let's be logical about this. How are you going to make a living off of THAT?" I'm good, I don't admit it often, I don't brag about it, but I am. I'm just unfocused (especially recently). I need help and I don't know where to go for it. I might as well be in middle school for all I'm feeling and it sucks. I didn't like middle school, I didn't like high school either. I'd rather be here, in the present, but emotionally I'm 14 again but with ADD this time. HELP ME PLEASE!!!